Jul 2, 2022 4 min read experience

Hard Headed Woman

Who is the moving force in your life? Cat Stevens wrote about this in the song Hard Headed Woman back in 1970 with three major aspects to consider....

This is quite the title for a post, however, bear with me before passing judgment - this is actually a song title! Like most songs, titles and lyrics are great tools for telling stories in order to help make sense of life. I’ve written about metaphor considerably over the years. We use it as a way to tap into our subconscious. Said differently, metaphor is a powerful tool when used the right way.

The first compact disc (CD) I purchased was The Very Best of Cat Stevens. Hard Headed Woman was one of the songs on this CD. Over the years, I didn’t really listen to this song as it had no meaning to me. Only last year did this song truly resonate.

Cat Steven's 1970 album Tea for the Tillerman

In November 2021, Tanya and I visited a lounge bar in Los Angeles called The Woods. It is where we had our first date as well as where I asked Tanya to marry me. On this particular occasion, we walked into The Woods and I heard Hard Headed Woman being played on the sound system. In this instance, I really focused on the lyrics of the song. After the experiences I have had with Tanya and growing up with my Mum it now had a completely different meaning to all the previous times I had listened to it.

The Song

Cat Stevens wrote Hard Headed Woman and released it as part of the Tea for the Tillerman album back in 1970. You must keep its release date in mind when listening to the lyrics before critiquing the title of the song. The title Hard Headed Woman means more than its literal definition.

To bring this concept to life In this post, I am going to break down three of the key verses. There is metaphor in each verse which I hope you the reader can leverage when looking at relationships. The message can apply to many things for many people. To me it could mean someone’s spouse/partner, mentor, manager, parent, sibling or friend. Note that this doesn’t have to apply to your other half however it does fit with my journey.

Verse 1: I'm looking for a hard headed woman, one who will take me for myself

We are all unique with our ability to offer something nobody else can. In any relationship the other party should take you for yourself. You shouldn’t need to change your identify nor your values as that is what makes you unique in the world. I’ve changed for people over the years but now I am proud to be a little goofy, geeky, funny … because that is who I am. Avoid pretending to be someone else and change who you are. Stay true to your values and beliefs.

As Cat Steven’s ends verse one by saying … and when I find my Hard Headed Woman, I won’t need nobody else.

Verse 2: I'm looking for a hard headed woman, headed woman, one who will make me do my best

Who are the people in the life that will bring the best out of you? Is it your wife, husband, friend, family member, boss or mentor? These are the people that you should focus on. It was Jim Rohn who said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Over the years I have focused on the people who should be in my circle. Do they take me for myself and do they help me bring the best out of what I can do? Yesterday no, however, today they do.

As Cat Steven’s ends verse two by saying … And when I find my Hard Headed Woman, I know my life will be blessed.

Verse 3: I'm looking for a hard headed woman, one who will make me feel so good

Last but not least you want to be grateful for the experiences you have and the learnings along the way. That is what it means to feel good. Being happy can mean many things to many people. For me it is the peace I get from progressing, having things in order and the contribution I’m making to the world. Does your hard headed woman bring the best out of you, take you for yourself and make you feel good?

My wife Tanya has been a shining light in my life and I have learned an incredible amount since we have been together. I like to say that the relationship spectrum has grown infinitely since I met her. I have seen life quite differently since that time.

Cat Steven’s ends verse three by saying … and when I find my Hard Headed Woman, I know my life will be as it should. Damn right!

Finale: If I find my hard headed woman

I posted a blog regarding my Mum a while ago (URL). As mentioned in that post, my Mum has been the “hard headed woman” for most of my life. She took me for myself, brought the best out of me and would always make me feel good. The role model my mother played always reminds me of this quote:

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my mother — Abraham Lincoln

Who is the “hard headed woman” in your life? If you don’t have one, how can you find one? There are some good guide post above to begin to identify those people who can bring the best out of you.